so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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