You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
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Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
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I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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