I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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