I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Is her dick bigger than yours?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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