Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
