just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
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