U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
