So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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