Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
