it was like his penis was on wheels.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
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