I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
