just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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