im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
