You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
