is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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