Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
