Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
