you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
