Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
