I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Dignity is for republicans.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
