Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
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