it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
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