Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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