Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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