just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
