Barsexuality is the new black.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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