I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Randomize
