She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
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