Just cropdusted the office
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
