i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I hope mine doesn't look like that
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Randomize
