i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
