I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
