I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
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