Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
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you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
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