Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
