Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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