I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
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