I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Houston, we have a blender
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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