remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
I haven't been this sober since birth.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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