i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
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