i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
