WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
