Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
the liver wants what the liver wants
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
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