I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
