My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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