DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
