Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Randomize
