Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
