So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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