ya dads aren't the best wingmen
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
last night I used snow as a chaser
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Randomize
