This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
I AM VODKA MAN
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
