Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
