I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
