Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
