Already got asked if we're dating
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
