OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
Please, let me fuck your mom
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
