my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
