They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My breasts were aching with rage.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
